still raging, still hoping

april sucks. it's my busiest month at work, so of course that means it flies by too quickly, resulting in me falling frustratingly behind, working late/odd hours, and feeling altogether frenzied for 30 days or so.

thus- no posts recently.


however! today was just too overwhelming, too whiplash-inducing to pass without comment. see exhibits A through F, below:


Exhibit A
after reading this exposition (warning- explicit language, and possible trigger warning) on Feminism for Young Dudes, twice, i've decided my reaction is more positive than negative. i get the ironic tone, and the exagerrated obviousnesss...i even smirked a couple of times ("What I would like is for you to stop thinking about women with an 18th-century disposition while you chill on your ipad in the future."). i think the author's intent is great, which is: feminism doesn't suck! it's actually good for everyone, not just "hairy-legged broads" (represent!). and any time a member of "the superstructure of male, white corporate oppression" speaks up for the oppressed (in this case, teh ladeez. but see also Tim Wise. ), their voice is amplified and enjoys a wider audience purely by virtue of their membership in the aforementioned oppression superstructure. we need all the allies, especially those with privilege, we can get to join the efforts to speak out against white, male, (hetero, able-bodied, etc.etc.etc.) privilege and equalize that good ol' "Liberty and Justice for All" stuff.

i especially liked the part about the way men (and women!) self-righteously throw around the words 'whore' and 'slut' to describe women who engage in consensual sex at similar rates to men...and how someday, maude-willing, those words will be as taboo and offensive and inappropriate as the n-word is- and for all the same reasons.

but i just can't shut that little voice in the back of my head up. the one that says, "why, oh why, in the year two thousand freakin' ten, do we still need to be having this conversation? why are 'young dudes' still in need of CONVINCING that their female friends, companions, sisters, lovers, are worthy of equal treatment and equal respect? why the h-e-double hockey sticks can't this message, which women (awesome women, like Jessica, and Fannie, and Pam, and Melissa, and Twisty!) are constantly repeating, be accepted as fact, instead of some sort of debatable theory?

so thanks for trying, Matt...i'm just annoyed that you have to try so hard.

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Exhibits B & C
then, after i processed all of that tasty internalized rage, i stumbled upon two perfect examples of Caution: Occupying space on planet earth While Female.

(Trigger Warnings for rape and violence)

this 12-year old girl, and this 13-year-old girl absolutely did not deserve the brutality they experienced at the hands of men.

incidentally, no headlines today about men being repeatedly and intentionally brutalized by women.

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Exhibit D
then of course, a tuesday *headdesk*moment (they really do happen every day) re: boobquake. nice try re-claiming your bodies, grrlz...lucky for you, all the attention is still being paid exclusively to your chestular area, not your, you know...ideas & stuff. (this is what happens when we try to re-claim or re-define partiarchal ideas while operating within the partiarchal system. i'm not saying we shouldn't do it- i'm just saying, by and large, it doesn't work.)

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Exhibits E & F
and then! a light shone upon me, and my plummeting morale was once again turned upward when i read the words of these two thoughtful, accomplished, intelligent women, discussing delightfully similar concepts (namely: the intersection of us all, and our human responsibility to each other- to care for and embrace, rather than to belittle and destroy):

Anousheh Ansari (the first female commercial space flight participant, and the first Muslim woman to travel to space): What We Do Matters More Than Labels.

Especially love her point here:

Remind people of who they really are, and not which box they are in, because
those lines [that divide us] really do not exist.

And,
Janet Haag (executive director of Fellowship in Prayer, and organization that calls people to interfaith spiritual practice): Let Us Pray -- With or Without a National Day of Prayer.

As she reminds us:

As a number of wise people have observed, "Prayer doesn't change God; prayer
changes us." We are in need of such transformation-- to become reconcilers,
peacemakers, and justice-bearers. I think those values are shared by theists,
non-theists and athiests-- all who hope for a better world.

amen to that.

violence = violence

anyone who knows me would (hopefully) tell you that i care about cultural sensitivity and that i respect and admire differences in culture, religion, background, etc.

what i do not respect is the way some people (not any particular culture as a whole, or religion...but people who care more about power and dominion than their fellow human being) use their culture or religion as an excuse to perpetrate violence against women and girls.

this is a great blog post from Madre, an incredible organization dedicated to fighting violence against women, creating financial equality and building peace. their blog highlights all kinds of amazing efforts, and the one they link to in this blog post, the Global Campaign to Stop Killing and Stoning Women looks like something i'd admire too- so straightforward and truthful. violence against women cannot be hidden behind the veil of religion, culture or tradition.

violence is ALWAYS violence. it's never right.

random rants

a couple of items that caught my eye during my daily headline perusal:

3 recent "domestic" fatalities in iowa seen as a coincidence.
except they're no coincidence. they are all products of the same system that devalues women's lives and glorifies violence and abuse as acceptable solutions to conflict. that system goes by many names, but his friends call him patriarchy.

to spawn or not to spawn
i feel a lot of the same frustrations Lucy does. like her, there are some children i dearly love (my perfect niece being one of them!), and find babies endearing (when they aren't smelly, loud or messy.) but i have ZERO interest in creating one of my own. zilch. nada. zip. not only do i not feel any sort of biological imperative personally, i'm radical enough in my beliefs about our exploding global population, i usually have to bite my tongue when i hear about people having babies for the purposes of "carrying on the family name" (are you kidding? it's a NAME. adopt a child and give them your name! but that's a whole other discussion re: the importance of men's names...) or "to feel complete" (isn't that pretty much the definition of co-dependency? needing another being to complete you?).

anyway- the pressure to have babies is omnipresent for women my age. while i do believe women who choose to bear children should not be treated unequally, paid less, or be automatically assumed to be the primary caregivers (unless they chose to have a baby without a partner; and, stay-at-home mom should be a paid position with benefits), i also believe that women who choose not to have children should receive equitable treatment. in other words- the decision whether or not to have babies should be no more defining than the decision to have extra foam on her latte. fertility should not be a moral issue.

see also: choosing not to bear children for ecological reasons; and, if men had babies.

and finally today, Jessica Valenti takes on feminist elitism in a really interesting blog post. she says (and i agree):

Everybody – whether or not they take Women’s Studies, have read Judith Butler or
heard of Foucault – deserves to have feminism in their lives.

I am proudly someone who tries to convince women that feminism will make their
lives better – not only because it’s the truth, but because then those same
women go on to change their families, communities and even country.

i should say, i bet the author Jessica is refuting (Nina Power) would have some really interesting things to say as well. but it struck me as i read Jessica's post- what if more women (like, significantly more...like, ALL women) realized all the positive impacts feminism could have, and has had, on their lives? what if all women really did believe that women (individually and as a class) are people too? the world as we know it would look radically different if more than half its population actually did think that women were 'created equal'.

yep, i read things like that and i start doing the math in my head (no small feat, as i am of course, a woman, and those numbers- they just fly right out of my head!). how many more years have i likely got on this planet? how much progress can we make in that time? could i actually live to see the day?

here's hoping!

not to be outdone...

it's not just afghanistan where women live in fear for their lives, of course.

the Organization for Women's Freedom in Iraq also operates safe houses, for women in fear due to the increased threat of "honor killings".

i encourage you to follow the link in that article to the full report from 2007 on the link between the civil war in iraq and violence against women. it reiterates the truth of what we see played out in war-torn countries all over the world: "Because of women's role in cultural and biological reproduction, they are often perceived as symbols of group identity. As such, they are specifically targeted in times of communal violence. In 2003, OWFI began reporting cases of 'Islamic groups taking revenge on each other by raping women.' "

women bear the brunt of war on their shoulders.

yale, yemen, uganda

annie le's body was found stuffed in a wall in her yale university lab building.

12-year old Fawziya was in labor for 3 days before she finally died of severe bleeding, and the baby was killed in the process of labor as well. Fawziya would have been in 4th grade, but she was forced to drop out and marry a 24 year old man.

women in uganda are forcibly stripped of their trousers, made to walk home naked. (women in skirts were not accosted.)




the point is: it doesn't matter if you're a successful american yale co-ed, a yemeni child bride, or a woman minding her own business in uganda. on every continent, on every DAY, women are considered to be...

UNEQUAL.

we do not have equal rights. we do not have equal opportunities. we do not have equal safety. female human beings are by default LESS THAN.

and that's unacceptable.

CNN= completely negative news (for women)

cnn headlines today:

california man murders his ex-wife, "removes" her teeth and fingers, and stuffs her body in a suitcase. (motive? none.)

florida man bludgeons wife in the head with a hammer while she's sleeping, next door to where their 6 month old son is sleeping, with man's parents downstairs. (motive? none.)

and then there's the afghan vote yesterday. in which many women didn't even know they had the right to participate. and those who did feared for their lives.

not a great week to be a woman, no matter where you live. (but sure, we've come a long way baby. *gag*)

real life

real life SVU. new york city bouncer brutalized, murdered and raped boston student.

real life effects of war. 1100 women are raped in the congo every month. more than 16 women (and girls) per day.

the part of that article that made me stop was this: Sexual violence in conflict zones has become so pervasisve that its threat to individual victims as well as entire communities and nations and requires an international response, said Margot Wallstrom, vice president of the European Commission.

ok, i appreciate the sentiment...but does anyone else think that the threat to individuals ALONE should prompt a response? only when it affects the larger community (i.e. not just WOMEN), does this become a 'crisis'.

but any effort to STOP RAPE is a step in the right direction. i want one of these:

rape, murder and infidelity, oh my!

husbands have property rights in their wives' bodies. and no, we're not talking about husbands in the dark ages. great article linked there about spousal rape- its prevalence and the shameful way it's STILL prosecuted in many states. (the article doesn't even begin to address the issue outside of the u.s.)

boy, that protective order really worked, huh? the murdered woman did everything right. but she's still dead.
i wish i could personally look women in the eye and really make them hear and believe me: he DOESN'T love you, he WON'T stop hurting you, and you should NOT, under ANY circumstances, take your abuser back.

jeez, sanford just can't shut up. it would be funny if it wasn't so disgusting and (of course) degrading to his wife. i hope she pitches him.