Things Every Man Needs to Know How To Do


Well, first- the obvious. Why exactly are these things that only men NEED to know how to do?

Second- I personally know women who can and regularly do each of these things to perfection.

Third- I might have to add a few must-do's of my own at the end of the list.

Thanks Des Moines Register, for this educational lesson in 21st Century Sexism 101.


1. Make a great Manhattan

2. Throw a punch (edit: uh, actually, I'm pretty sure this is something much more essential for a WOMAN to know how to do than a man)

3. Back up a trailer (edit: hello RV women)

4. Talk scotch (edit: because only men drink scotch. it's much too strong for the delicate sensibilities of women)

5. Change your own oil (edit: gimme a break- even that loony-toon Duggar dad taught his daughers how to change the oil!)

6. Play Hammerschlagen
The tools: Hammer, Nails, Log
(edit: best tailgating game I ever played)

7. Tie a half-windsor knot

8. Cook the perfect steak (edit: any man who needs to learn this can come learn from the pro who lives in my house)


Here are a few other important, nay, IMPERATIVE, things a man must know how to do:

1. Have a disagreement, argument, or debate with a woman without
    a. Belittling her
    b. Berating her
    c. Bullying her
    d. Beating her
(in other words, treat her like a human being)

2. Understand  and obey three simple words: No means No.

3. Expect nothing less from a female co-worker than a male. But while you're at it, if you want your wife/girlfriend to be able to bear your spawn, understand that the consequence for impregnanting them is to give them time to recover without penalizing them for missing work. You can't have it both ways.

4. Pay women the same you pay men. Period. Equal pay for equal work isn't that hard to understand.

5. Allow children to be who they want to be, regardless of their prescribed gender roles. If your son wants to play with a damn doll, let him. If your daughter wants to play baseball, let her.

6. Settle any arguments or differences without violence. This means ALL conflicts. (In other words, all men should know how to peacefully resolve conflict. I know it's a tall order, but if this one were realized...war murder gang violence domestic abuse etc.etc.etc. would be almost eradicated. Wow.)


I know there are others...as I think of more, I'll add to the list. If anyone else thinks of some, feel free to add. (Does this blog allow comments? I don't even know yet!)


1 comment:

Elizabeth said...

How about:

Learn to think of women as more than objects of 1) sexual gratification, or 2) misplaced maternal sentiment. Some of us have brains and opinions, too.

Also, re: #5 - my coworker's 3 year old son got a purse and a baby doll for Christmas, along with the tractors and the balls. These parents are doing it right.